


Counting The Hours

by thorkified



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Canon Divergence - Pre-Thor (2011), Drama, Family Drama, Fluff and Angst, Jealousy, M/M, Self Confidence Issues, age reverse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 04:22:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16906029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thorkified/pseuds/thorkified
Summary: When Loki receives the news of his mother’s pregnancy, he tries hard to hide his true feelings about it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> co-written with the-sun-shining-on-thorki on tumblr <3

Loki is in the library when he is informed that his mother, Queen Frigga, is with child. He hasn’t missed the smirk on the servant’s face, as the man silently mocks the prince for losing his status as the only legitimate heir to the throne.

Of course, Loki knows that this child will be the first to become king now, which isn’t something that he enjoys hearing. But since a legitimate son is all his mother has ever wished for, the news brings more joy to him than anger. He decides to pay her a visit - now not as the future king anymore, but as her loving son who is happy for her.

When Loki enters the Queen’s chamber, he is not surprised to find his father, Odin, happily conversing with his mother. The Allfather’s hand, which used to pat him on the head when he was a child, now rests gently on Frigga’s stomach as the two parents look down at the area in unspoken excitement. For a second, Loki feels dreadful about the peace he is interrupting, knowing that his parents already seem to have a more intimate relationship to their unborn child than they ever had with him. But this isn’t how he wants to think about this, it’s supposed to be a moment of happiness, not sadness, so he walks over to them slowly, the most gentle smile possible on his face.

Frigga beams when she looks up and sees her adoptive son before her. Odin smiles too, but Loki can tell a frown has appeared on his face before it quickly vanished, concealed as always.

With a quick blink and a soft smile, Loki stands there for a moment before kneeling in front of the couple. Slowly taking Frigga’s hand into his own, he presses a gentle kiss on it and speaks: “Congratulations, mother. It finally happened.”

Frigga’s smile is still soft, but Loki can see that there is worry hiding behind her joy - a worry that is all too natural, given how much is going to change now.

“We have prayed so long for this, I am happy the Norns have granted you this blessing,” Loki says affectionately, trying to ease his mother’s concern without openly addressing it.

“Indeed, regardless of the gender, the child is a blessing and shall be a happy addition to our family.” Frigga, regaining her composure and quickly gives Loki’s hand a fond squeeze.

Loki turns to Odin, who has been scrutinizing his son’s every expression since his entry, "I trust that this news will be announced to the royal council next?”

“As soon as the healers have confirmed the child is healthy, then yes, the royal council will be informed next,“ Odin nods with a grunt.  

Loki nods too, it’s how things have to be and he knows that; and it’s clear that Odin expects him to get angry about the situation, to argue or to bargain, but Loki will do none of that.

Despite being known to find every loophole imaginable, this time he doesn’t wish to do that. He would never destroy his mother’s joy over his own anger. Standing up, Loki bows to his adoptive parents with the happiest smile he can muster. His mouth is hurting with the strain he put on it.

"Well then, I will happily help if there is anything you will need my assistance with. Meanwhile, mother, make sure you are resting and eating well. I could not tolerate any harm coming to my little brother.”

“Your brother?” Frigga asks surprised, looking up at her son. “Why do you think it’s a boy?”

Loki’s smile is solid, but he knows her confusion is real. It’s strange how he knows she is carrying an heir, but something deep inside tells him that’s exactly what’s happening.

“It’s your first child, mother, and you have always wished for an heir who would become king one day. If the Norns granted you this wish, it will be a boy.”

When he is moving away from the chamber, Loki’s stride becomes faster since the gaze of the courtiers becomes too suffocating. He can smell their mockery in the air and hear their laughter, so his smile, as forced as it is, is essential. Adopted or not, a prince will not be brought down by common folks.

It’s a long walk back to his chambers, where as soon as the doors close behind him, his smile disappears into nothingness. Only now does he realize that the warmth he had felt in his chest all this time isn’t from happiness or joy, but is instead the beginning of a burning anger that is rooted in the jealousy he doesn’t want to admit he feels.

Loki wishes to destroy everything he can find in his room, especially those things gifted to him by Odin. But, the walls have ears, and he knows too well not to leave any physical traits of his unhappiness. So, instead of destroying his belongings, Loki rushes to his desk and quickly scribbles down all his anger onto the paper before him.

All this time he was certain of his place, of who he was even as the adopted prince, and now all of this is thrown away by a child that is yet to be born.

The quill he has in his hand is twisted and beyond repair hours later.  

Sighing, he lights the pile of paper before him and watches it perish before his eyes. Writing all of his anger down did little to make him feel better, but leaving this kind of evidence out in the open - or even hidden - is too dangerous.

When he goes to bed that night, his eyes are burning and stinging from the tears he couldn’t hold back and his hand is hurting from clutching his quill so much. He has realized that no matter how angry and mad he is, he cannot possibly take this out on his mother or the child.

He always knew Frigga wished for a son on her own, but she had still loved him with all her heart from the moment he came into her life. Even if Loki isn’t the legitimate heir to the throne anymore, he doesn’t wish to hurt her in any way, not after she had given him so much love.

He would become the forgotten prince, the one left to watch as the true heir to the throne grew up and took what had once been his. In this realization is nothing but resent and bitterness and there is nothing he can do about it.

Lying in bed, Loki can almost envision the day when his still faceless but undoubtedly beloved sibling removes all traces of his existence.


	2. Chapter 2

His mother’s pregnancy throws Loki into a spiral of forced happiness when he’s around her and Odin and the attempts to not explode on the servants or trashing his room the second he’s alone. The more time passes, the more he notices the looks he gets from the servants and warriors, from basically everyone he comes across. They are all the same, all mocking and belittling and, even worse, pitiful. It’s making every day a waking nightmare.

He should be happy for his mother and he hates that he cannot be. They adopted him all those years ago because this situation was deemed impossible and now that a legitimate heir was on the way, his mere existence seems to become obsolete. Frigga is no less nice and affectionate and loving with him than before, but he just knows this will change the second this child is born. Then, Loki will be pushed to the side and all the love will be for the new prince, for the rightful king of Asgard, and what will be left for him?

In a way, Loki hates this child already, way before it even took its first breath. He keeps up his fake smile and tries his best to not show how much he despises this situation, but deep down he wants it to stop and go back to how things have been before - when it was only him and Frigga and Odin. Even if Odin never truly loved him - Loki isn’t naive or stupid, he always felt the resentment and suspicion of the king towards him and he never blamed him - he had still been their son. Now, however, he feels like a throwaway distraction that will soon become useless to everyone.

When Frigga goes into labour, Loki is not in Asgard. He made sure he wouldn’t be there during this time, tending to businesses in Vanaheim because, despite having become illegitimate to the throne, he still holds a high position in Asgard’s politics and until the new heir is of age, that won’t change. When he comes back, several weeks have passed already and his mother has recovered from birth.

Loki puts up his best fake smile again when he visits her, without even asking about his new sibling. “I’m sorry for being away this long, mother,” he apologizes and kisses the back of her hand dutifully. “I hope you are feeling better again and that everything went well.”

“I’m glad to see you back, Loki,” Frigga smiles and pulls her adoptive son into a tight and warm hug. “I wish you could have been here, but to see you well is more than I could ask for.”

“The negotiations went on longer than I anticipated,” Loki sighs and looks up. “I wanted to come back as soon as I received the news, but it was impossible sadly.”

“Now you are here at last,” Frigga says, cupping Loki’s face gently. “You were right, it’s a boy. You have a little brother now, Loki.”

“That’s wonderful,” Loki says as happy as he can force himself to sound, without showing the anger and jealousy boiling inside his chest. “He will bring you nothing but joy, I’m sure of that.”

“Do you wish to see him?” Frigga asks, her eyes shifting to the crib next to her bed. Loki shakes his head, without looking at it. He knows he’s not mentally prepared to play excited just yet, he needs more time.

“I am exhausted, mother, I’m afraid,” he says sadly, cradling her hand in his own. “Soon, I promise. When I am less tired and won’t scare him immediately,” he smiles. “Until then he has you and I know that he won’t need anything else.”

When Loki is finally back in his room, all the tension inside of him fades and he lets himself fall onto the bed with a low, frustrated growl. He’s glad he escaped meeting his new brother for the time being, but the fact that he can’t do that forever is nothing he enjoys. It will be even harder to pretend he doesn’t hate the new prince than drag out a mission that could have been finished within a week at most just because he wanted to stay away.

Days pass without Loki making any attempt to see his brother. He pretends to be busy with his studies and council meetings, keeps asking about the infant’s well-being and expresses his regret he didn’t get to meet him yet, but deep down he hopes he never has to. Of course, this isn’t possible, but he doesn’t quite trust himself with the helpless baby that destroyed his whole life without even knowing it. Not with all the despise and resent he already feels towards him.

One night, weeks after returning from Vanaheim, Loki finally falls victim to his own curiosity and he sneaks into his little brother’s room long after their parents have fallen asleep. When he approaches the crib he can feel his chest tense up, but he continues because this has to happen now, or else he will never find any peace.

When Loki looks down at the sleeping infant in the crib, his face is a mask of disgust. His anger is burning in his heart and not even the little boy’s chubby and cute face or the fact that he is nothing more than a helpless thing can change that. This child - his brother, for whatever it’s worth - is the reason he is going to lose everything he thought he had, every last bit of it, and he hates it like nothing else. If he had a say in it, this would have never happened. Not even his own mother’s happiness is able to ease the dislike he feels, which almost surprises him, given he had fought so hard to keep up her oblivious mindset on the situation over the last months.

Loki slowly puts a hand on the infant’s chest, without even realizing it. The child struggles slightly under the pressure, but otherwise he shows no reaction. When Loki sees that he can almost cover the baby’s torso with his hand alone, he wonders if things have to go the way he fears they will. After all, his brother is just a vulnerable infant now, isn’t he? And children that age sometimes have accidents that don’t end well. He’s alone, no one would notice if an accident like that would befall the newborn prince…

Suddenly, a tiny hand wraps around one of his fingers, stopping Loki’s thoughts. The infant turns around and Loki blinks, confused when he meets his gaze. The little boy looks at him with big, innocent blue eyes, without any fear or surprise. Loki can only stare at his new brother and wonder if he doesn’t realize the threat he proposes to him, if he doesn’t understand the danger he is in at this very moment. But of course this is a crazy thought, isn’t it? Because this child knows nothing about the world or what he is causing by simply existing. He just lays there without any understanding or conscious thinking, unaware of Loki’s struggle, of his anger and the things he imagines doing.

Then, without a warning, the infant squeals and starts kicking his legs, finally breaking Loki out of his tension. He knows someone will come and look after the little one if he’s heard, so he picks him up from his crib, carefully balancing the tiny body in his arms. The boy still looks excited, holding onto Loki’s finger and looking at him as if he’s the sun itself. Without realising it, Loki’s lips jerk and eventually turn into a smirk.

Loki holds the infant for a few minutes, slowly rocking him in his arms to calm him down without causing any more noise. For a while, his brother refuses to stop squealing, even tries to reach for Loki’s face, but eventually, the steady motion lures him back into a light sleep. Loki keeps holding the little one, however, despite being able to put him back down and leave at any moment.

“Maybe you’re not all bad,” Loki thinks as he looks at his brother’s calm and content little face. He had pulled his hand closer and one of Loki’s fingers rests between his tiny lips now, every now and then prompting the infant to suck on it for comfort. “You are rather endearing…”

Loki isn’t quite sure how it happened, but he finds himself at his little brother’s bedside often after this first meeting. During the day he stays away from him most of the time, but at night, after everyone has fallen asleep and no one can see him, he finds comfort watching the infant sleep - not rarely while holding onto Loki’s hand that gently rests on his chest. He never wanted his anger and hate to turn into affection, but it’s something that just happens without anything he can do about it.


End file.
